危机（13） 亚兰闭着眼睛躺在床上，试图使自己入睡，但苏岩愁苦迷离的眼神却让她揪心。其实这眼神也只是亚兰的想象，她没见过苏岩，只看过他的照片，照片里的苏岩是自信、乐观、充满生气的。可是刚才网上的对话，苏岩的沮丧、迷惘太强烈太真切，挥之不去，令她辗转反侧，难以成眠。 在城市的另一端，苏岩也孤灯独影地呆坐在书房里，一口一口喝着闷酒，全无睡意。 窗 外，起风了，断断续续地传来树叶沙沙的声响。房内，苏岩独守孤灯，浓眉紧锁，回味着刚才自己和亚兰的网上对话。他多么希望，亚兰现在就坐在自己的身边，哪 怕什么都不做什么都不说，只要有她陪伴，秋风就不再寒冷，失业也不是那么可怕。他想她，回味她刚才说过的每一句话，想象她和颜悦色的微笑，体会她关心体贴 的开导。他想，如果亚兰是自己的妻子多好，或者，如果娴像亚兰那么善解人意多好。 可 是，现实却是冰冷而苦不堪言。失业以来，妻子娴从未跟自己说过一句体己话，却常常横眉冷对，恶言相向。她随时居高临下给他指派家务事，肆意指责他所做的一 切，最让他伤心的是重复了不知道多少遍的一句话：“你真是没用，工作工作弄丢了，连这小小的事情也做不好，还能指望你干什么？！”苏岩本不擅长做家务，失 业在家被迫做家务已是无奈，最受不了的是娴指派他干活时的蛮横，好像他在仰人鼻息，成了她的奴才似的。 想 当初，自己一从学校出来就冲进华尔街，娴同时毕业却找不到合适的工作搞得焦头烂额，那时她不仅羡慕仰视自己，还抛下女性的矜持主动向自己示好，关心照顾自 己的饮食起居。婚后自己的事业如日中天，丰厚的薪金和不断翻倍的股票更是令她心满意足，对自己的崇拜溢于言表。但现在当光环褪去，自己就成了一无是处可以 任意斥责的窝囊废？！现在自己虽然失业，毕竟还身强力壮，又有专业背景，总能找到工作，即便找不到专业对口的工作，去卖苦力自食其力应该是没问题的吧？娴 怎么能如此轻视嫌弃自己？！如果真的有一天，自己或病或残，还能指望娴能照顾自己吗？这么一想，苏岩真的对娴失望心寒。 人 和人怎么就不一样？亚兰一直是她家的经济支柱，从某种意义上说她丈夫一直在靠着她，亚兰虽然有时也为周平的文化程度及挣钱养家的本事欠缺有遗憾，但她从未 嫌弃过他，一心一意地和他一起经营着虽然平淡但也温暖的小日子。如果亚兰是自己的妻子多好，失业虽造成经济上的困难，面子上的难堪，至少自己的心里不会这 么凄苦。这个念头一再涌上来，使苏岩心里很不安：自己曾跟亚兰承诺，彼此的家庭是铜墙铁壁，绝对不能越雷池一步。亚兰再好，已为人妇，自己怎能想入非非 呢？！有这样的念头都是罪孽。 按说自己的条件无论从学历还是资历都比同龄 人要好，谁能想到失业的大棒会打到他的头上呢？唉，世事无常，谁又能预测命运？苏岩一直在鼓励帮助亚兰应对失业的威胁，现如今亚兰在失业的浪潮里幸存，倒 是毫无思想准备的苏岩遭受了失业的沉重打击。莫非，这真是天意？莫非自己的失业潦倒，是上天对自己这两年来日益倾慕亚兰的惩罚？ 苏岩左思右想，不得其解，只是心烦意乱，无所适从，他不知道出路在何方，也不知道谁能为他指点迷津。 上帝，上帝是万能的，上帝掌控着一切，上帝，你引领我走出迷茫吧。 苏岩再次想起上帝，心里默默祈祷。可惜，在这静夜里，苏岩的心却不能安静下来。遥望夜空，繁星满目，却不见上帝的亮光。难道上帝也抛弃了自己？！ 苏岩悲从心起，文字从指端倾泄而出： “I'm struggling, I'm suffering, and I’m in a state that I don't understand myself. On the one hand, my heart, my soul is desperately looking for love, looking for support, looking for a solemn place where I can sob and cry, but there is an evil voice constantly remind me that I'm useless, I'm nothing and no one would treat me decently, even the God I always believe I can talk to is not there anymore. Is that because I left Him first? or because I love another woman? Oh God, I'm a sinner, and sometime I do things in my own way. Seeking love is so natural and so innocent, how can I stop it? If I am lucky that someone loves me, how can I refuse it? and how dare I destroy it! The feeling of love and being loved is so real, so nice, and so sweet, how can I take my mind off it? Oh God, if this is not what you want me to do, please help me get out. You are powerful, you are omnipotence, if YOU don't like what I am doing, correct me, but YOU are also a merciful God, and YOU love all your children, sons and daughters, even some of them do not know you, even some of them are not obeying you. God, forgive me for I'm a sinner, forgive me because you are the only source of all love, and you don't hate your children because they love each other. The love is in my heart, I cannot lie, I cannot pretend that it’s not there and I cannot deny it. If I deserve the punishment, so be it!” 写完这段文字，苏岩不由苦笑一声：“除了上帝，还有谁愿意倾听一个漠落之人的哀叹？如果这世上还有一个人能理解我怜惜我，哪只能是亚兰了。亚兰！我心中的良人。。。” 浑浑然中，苏岩把这段话放在悄悄话里给亚兰发了过去。。。 恰恰这个时候，亚兰不堪辗转反侧之苦，神使鬼差地从床上爬起来摸进村，一眼就看到了苏岩刚刚发来的悄悄话。 “ Oh God ！”这是苏岩那段话中的文字，却从亚兰灵魂深处呐喊而出 ---- 苏岩的沮丧、无助、迷茫和挣扎实在让亚兰震撼和心痛！在那一刻，她忘掉了一切顾忌，只想向苏岩伸出双手，把他紧紧拥抱，让他的头靠近自己的心房听着自己的心跳歇息一会。。。 文字表达感情，但很多时候文字更理性更克制也更通情达理。尽管亚兰心里翻江倒海，她却尽量地让自己的回复保持冷静和克制： “I am so sorry for your struggling and suffering. Although I don’t know how to help you, but I will be always here to help you if I can and if you want; I also can keep the distance between you and me if you want that. I just want you feel better. ” 苏岩收到亚兰的即时回复，不折不扣地是一阵惊喜。说实在的，他压根没想到亚兰跟自己道别下网一个多小时之后会再次上网。莫非这一切都是天意，他甚至觉得，亚兰就是上帝在他失业潦倒之时施舍给他的一个依靠和慰藉。 “请原谅我刚才的失态，现在感觉好多了。”苏岩给亚兰发出这句话，心里真的就平和了许多。 “你 呀，还是不要为失业一事责怪自己，更不要把这当成是上帝对你的惩罚吧！你何错之有？你伤害谁了？实际上，为顾及家人和所有相关的人，你忍受压力，委曲求 全，至少也算是很难得的吧？如果有上帝，他一定会同情你怜悯你帮助你，让你很快就走出这黑暗的幽谷。失业也许是上帝对你的考验，让你经历磨难挫折从而使你 在任何境遇中都拥有平安快乐的内心。别喝酒别胡思乱想了，快去睡觉吧。”亚兰不想让苏岩钻牛角尖沉溺在自责自怨中彻夜难眠，她只想让苏岩暂且放下烦恼，好 好睡一觉。 经亚兰这么一说，苏岩也意识到已是凌晨，渐有睡意袭来。再则，满腔忧思愤懑经由文字发泄，心情确实也轻松了许多，思维渐渐回复了常态，这才意识到亚兰是为自己担心才在这夜半时分又折回来上网，赶紧谢过亚兰，互道晚安睡觉去了。
Normal 0 false false false EN-US ZH-CN X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 危机（6） 苏岩不来了，苏岩消失了，苏岩的骤然 ‘ 失 踪 ’ 让亚兰失落和无所适从，她虽然强迫自己要疏远苏岩，却不能忍受没有苏岩的日子。一连几天，亚兰吃不好睡不着，半夜三更呆在湾里痴痴傻傻地等候苏岩的到 访。她也不知道在等待什么在渴望什么，就是觉得想跟苏岩说话，想听到他的声音看到他的文字，特别是工作中生活中碰到问题的时候，就想跟他聊聊，听听他的意 见，得到一些支持和帮助。 空对荧屏，亚兰心里千般无奈万般不甘，对苏岩的思念像潮水般起起伏伏，只能借助诗词和散文来表达自己的苦闷和烦恼。 苏岩克制着自己不去打扰亚兰，却从未放弃过对亚兰的默默注视。他不仅跟踪亚兰的每一篇博文每一节微薄，而且也细细地读遍其博文下面的每一节跟帖。他读到了亚兰的相思和克制，也读懂了亚兰的压抑和无奈，自己心里的苦楚更似海底激流，长驱直入，最终波涛汹涌，一浪高过一浪。 一个烦闷的傍晚，苏岩读到了王海桑的《我是你流浪过的一个地方》，感动得眼睛湿润，对其中几个章节的共鸣让他产生了把它译成英文的冲动。 1. At the miraculous moment, there you came and I came --- neither too early, nor too late under the sun, we looked into each other --- neither too far, nor too close there you were, besides the woods and the water whereas, I fell in love with you. 2. I wasn’t looking for you but bumped into you I wasn’t expecting you but just saw you My eyes had captured you, how could you escape? This was an extraordinary surprise in my life and it was neither in a dream, nor in a picture we were walking hand in hand merged into the scene where the sun kissing the high mountains I was listening to the silence and heard my heartfelt gratitude , did you? “Tell me, tell me, my dear where am I going to sleep tonight?” I looked at your long dark hair and your shining eyes those were promises given 3. I didn’t know if it were right or wrong, or did I care I only wanted to stay with you, till the sunrise you were my water if there were no water you were my bread if there were no bread for we were believing in the same God and sharing the same fate And I was in love with you with the most vulnerable part inside me I was exploring all the secrets of your mysterious body like a baby, crawling on my knees searching for you the warmth , the fresh and the beauty I felt your sweet breaths as my hand ran through your hair you murmured: how are you? I replied: I want you. 这是苏岩第一次尝试把中文诗译成英文诗，一气呵成，得来全不费功夫。他知道，因为诗里有自己的心声。他为自己的感情感动，也为自己的才情自豪，他相信他灌注在译诗里的激情会打动亚兰，让她欢喜让她感动让她的心和自己的心一起共鸣。毫不犹豫，他就把它命名为《译诗 3 节》放到博文中发表出去。 电脑的另一端，一直默默关注着苏岩的亚兰在博文发出来的瞬间就读到了它。 I wasn’t looking for you but bumped into you I wasn’t expecting you but just saw you My eyes had captured you, how could you escape? This was an extraordinary surprise in my life 她的心为之一颤，她当然记得这是王海桑的诗。情不自禁，她写下跟帖： “‘ 我没有找到你我碰见你了 我没有想到你我看见你了 我看见你了，你还能往哪儿跑呢 你是我今生今世最大的意外 ’ 美丽的邂逅，可遇不可求的情缘。。。 ” 意犹未尽，亚兰从头再度细读译诗。 “…… I didn’t know if it were right or wrong, or did I care I only wanted to stay with you, till the sunrise 这两句像魔石打中了亚兰的心，她知道是苏岩对自己的呼唤，何尝又不是自己的心声？！欲罢不能，亚兰不管不顾再跟一贴： “‘ 不知道是对是错，不管它是对是错 我只想和你在一起，一起等太阳出来 ’ 躲也躲不掉的宿命，岂是对错两字可以左右？ ” 苏岩读着亚兰的跟帖，感受到她心跳的搏动，为两情相依的热切和两心相印的激情欢欣鼓舞，他回复亚兰： “ 我又翻译了一小节： 17. I guess God doesn’t want us messing up with love He only allows us to see it briefly and to taste a little bit Then He would withdraw the love from the world Then he let us struggle for life on earth looking for someone to live together peacefully making a family If these were true, then when I see you in the other end of the world what would you like to tell me? I look at you but dare not to call you If you find me then I will walk to you Would you like to say “hi” to me the same way as we first met?” 亚兰读着这一段，心里像打翻了五味瓶，甜酸 苦辣尽在其中。生活是那么的无奈，即便我们不得不在地上维护一份简简单单的世俗生活，难道心灵就永远麻木永远沉沦？而心灵的渴望是那么鲜活，心灵的诉求又 那么执着。肉体是世俗的奴隶，心灵却是天堂的宠儿。这节诗词，不仅是自己和苏岩的的无奈和挣扎，也是苏岩对亚兰弱弱的哀求。亚兰傻傻的呆在那里，不知如何 回应。 回过神来，看到了苏岩发过来的打招呼： “ 请你马上给我来个电话吧。 ” /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
标签: 婚外情愫
